Being Important…

It’s easy to see a relationship as the end-all and be-all of your existence. Knowing someone loves you, and only you, and just being able to love me back makes for a exhilarating experiences.

            Let’s face it---it’s flattering to be given that much attention, and it feels good to take care of someone. But what if your boy leaves you and he tells you he doesn’t love you anymore? Feels like the end of the world? For some people, Yes. While the number of suicide cases in the Philippines is still quite low (thank goodness!) compared to those in the US and Japan, teen suicide due to depression are still happening. Many others have admitted actually entertaining suicidal thoughts even they didn’t commit the act.

            It’s easy to think of suicide if you’re looking for the easiest and fastest way to get rid of the pain of being dumped and being “alone” again. But before you go any further, think about how valuable your life is and how it is important than any guy.

            There’s no question that our relationship was important to us, most times, they even help us define who we are. But if you start losing yourself in that relationship, if you are no longer important to yourself as yourself, if you feel you are only important when you are with your guy, that’s not the most ideal place to be in.

            If it is a good relationship---mutual, loving, enriching, not harmful to you or anyone else-then by all means keep it. But do not consider that relationship more important than yourself.

            Continue indulging in your interest. Develop and keep your relationship with family and friends. The more you strengthen the other aspects of your life, the more secure your personal foundation will be.

            Separating from your guy will still hurt, but yourself will be intact. And with your safety net of friends and family, you’ll be back in good form in no time.

A Guy from our Neighborhood

        I don’t know what it is about relationships and me. I’ve had boyfriends that were not exactly perfect slices of heaven, if you know what I mean.

            
           Jake was nice and cute guy from the same neighborhood I lived in. We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend. To make a long story short, he’d flatter me nearly to death and I fell for it. You see practically no one paid any attention to me before he did. Not the popular kids in school. Not the boys in the parties or any gathering for the matters.

            
           That really bothered me. Modesty aside, I believe I don’t look so bad myself. But the truth of the matter was, I thought I wasn’t interesting enough for the people who were interesting to me. Until Jake came.

            
            We’ve known each other since we were kids, but Jake and I never really paid any attention to each other until we were in high school. I liked him because he would always smile at me every morning before we left for our respective schools. We’d talk to the phone almost every night and he’d say good things about me. On weekends he’d come over to hang with my friends and me, or I’d go over to their house to help him with some homework or school project. The latter activity became more frequent. I developed a nagging suspicion he was just using me to do his school work for him, especially when I started delaying work on my own just so I could finish his. Of course, my instinct we’re right, but I refused to see it then. Somehow, I was able to convince myself that I was doing the dirty work for him because I loved him. I actually wanted to stop doing his homework and projects, but I didn’t want to get mad at me or worse is to break up with me. Besides, I felt he was taking care of me---offering me merienda, cuddling me and showing me that he really appreciated my work.

            
          But we eventually did break-up right before the school year ended. It was an unfair-lopside relationship, indeed. I felt so bad because the only guy who’d ever noticed me was gone.

            
             Years later I met Tj. He wasn’t nearly that jock that Jake was but he was great anyway. He joked a lot but he wasn’t a jerk. He was sweet, caring, touchy-feely kind of guy. And yes, he made me feel like the most important person in the world. Big challenges came, he wanted in control. He said he did those because he loves me and I believed him.

           
           Tj was really a nice and loving person and I don't want to lose him so I put up with his controlling nature. It was all for naught because after a couple of years he found someone else and left me I was distraught once again.

           
           Looking back at those relationships make me feel like I’m reliving scenes from a bad teen movie. I know things were wrong, but I didn’t do anything about them because I thought I would die if anyone of those boys left me. I obviously didn’t die. And while break-up’s hurt, I got over them anyway.