Grudges

I recently received an abrasive and angry text message from someone falsely accusing me of something that on a personal level. I was shocked and hurt. My initial instinct was to reply something hurtful back in an act of self defense. My second instinct was to give him a list of reasons why he was wrong, in an attempt to refute his false accusations, thus defending my ego.

In the end my rational self know that engaging with him would only trigger more negativity, so I did stopped. I woke up the next morning with defensive thoughts running through my head, like a dark clouds hovering over me. Thoughts of something keep dancing around my mind that seemed to be a never ending cycle.

I thought about the anger a lot, and anger usually thought of being bad and destructive. There are some who argue that this is misconception. Anger itself is neutral. We may express anger in healthy and destructive ways. Healthy expression of anger enhances communication and personal growth.

I hated this feeling, in fact I hated the feeling of hating this feeling. I’m still pissed at him for the damage he did and at myself for allowing it all to go on for as long as it did. I came to point of realizing that he’s not sitting around upset about any of this, I feel stupid, I let this things happened. I let him control my life and my feelings for too long already…I refuse to give him any control over how I feel now.

When your hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentments, vengeance and hostility is developed. Never allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed-up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free.

Now, he is no longer in control, his behavior no longer affect my life…I’m rebuilding my life, my way and be a better person. I am now responsible for whatever I want to do, what I should feel, how I should react---I am in control.