Grown Ups

You changed and so have I

We can’t get along anymore, no matter how hard we try.

I didn't see it coming this soon, but really, I already knew

That this dreaded day would come, I have to say goodbye to you.

Friendship, yes there was a time we shared it

There was a time we said “Hello” and “farewell” whenever we meet.

You knew how to make me feel better

And I know where to find you so we could waste time together.

There was a time when we were inseparable

But now, seeing us in the same room’s a miracle.

It isn't a fight, we're just drifting apart

New hobbies, new experiences, new people getting in our heart.

But now we’ve grown up, and we forgot about best friends forever,

We’ve outgrown our friendship, and outgrown each other.

The final Straw...

I love another and I swear I love him true.

I swear I'm done with this, that I'm no longer in love with you.

You asked if it's really too late,

And gave that smile I'd love to hate.

You took my hand with my heart

And you told me we shouldn't be apart.

I know you oh too well

It was not very hard to tell

That that's the same old speech, the same old lies.

I'm no longer that same old fool, but you still got me hypnotized.

I don't know how to end this right, maybe there's no right way.

But even if this ends today, it'll never change the love I had for you yesterday.

Irrational thoughts at night…

You. You. Always you. Sometimes, I forget what it is like to be Me. To be Me without You. I’m dysfunctional, nostalgic, and depressed. Other times, vindictive, furious and intense. But either way, bottom line is, with or without You, I feel like I am at a loss. You. I didn’t want another You, another person to chew and chuck off a part of me. Another scar, another painful memory. Another painful face I long to see; another soul I’d hate to hate.

Days are easy, I always wake up stronger than the day before. They have gone even easier when I fell into the addiction of anger, and when I learned to love the taste of the delightful pain which I inflict upon those that hurt me. Those that in the past, used to be my inspiration for passages like this one. But those are only the days.

Everything is not always okay when nights come. Nights where I am cold and alone, nights that make me forget what ME meant without YOU. At nights I am vulnerable. I feel searing pain. Scorching pain from within my heart. A heart that I wish didn’t beat for You. A heart that I wish would turn into diamond so that the scars will no longer open and bleed me out.

I hate nights because I don’t know what to do or how I’d feel. There are nights when I love you. Nights that I’m mad at you. Some nights that I want to hear your voice and hold you. Other nights I just think of you and smile. Tonight is one of the nights that I wish everything was back to the way it was in the beginning. Before I was this psychotic bitch who still sometimes misses US. A LOT.

US. US. That’s You and Me, together. It’s the first time it ever felt this nice to hear the word -- maybe because it is the first time I have ever used this word. US. It’s like falling into a blissful trance. In my whole life, this is the time US sounded most beautiful to me, hypnotic, comforting, but also melancholic. And US that existed but somehow faded, not in time, but because of change. Not through trials or tragedies, it's change.

Change. Metamorphosis and Psychosis. Loss and Obsession.  Fun and Pain. Future and Past. These are You and Me in the Present. Not US. It's the first time I found someone who I felt was mine. But no more. There's no more us, nor we nor you and me. Only an unreachable You and the Old new Me.