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ESFJ Personality

If someone tried to define ESFJ personality traits in three words, it would probably be Practical, Altruistic, and Sociable. Forming around 12% of the population, ESFJs want to be of service to others and take their commitments very seriously. They do not really worry about what role they are in, as long as they get a chance to socialize with other people and feel valued and appreciated.

ESFJs are great team players, always able to sense tensions and incompatibilities. They are very traditional, doing their best to support and defend authority and the law. People with this personality type also tend to be very devoted, whether they are playing the role of a party host or a social worker. It is quite easy to recognize ESFJs in social events—they will find enough time to chat with everybody.

As ESFJs always try to seek harmony in all possible areas, they are easily offended by others’ disinterest or reluctance to participate in the activities the ESFJ finds noble and important. If uncontrolled, this may be one of ESFJ weaknesses. People with this personality type should consciously try to observe their own behavior around people of different cultures, backgrounds, or personality types.

ESFJs pay a lot of attention to their looks and are very sensitive about their social status; this particular topic is a true minefield for anyone who decides to discuss it with an ESFJ, especially if there is at least some criticism or sarcasm involved. ESFJs also respect hierarchy and do their best to achieve a position of authority.

ESFJ personalities love to be involved in conversations focusing on practical topics or other people’s lives; however, they will do their best to get out of the discussion once it touches abstract, theoretical topics. Analyzing complex ideas and discussing causes and consequences do not interest ESFJ personalities at all, which stands in stark contrast to the Analyst (NT) types.

ESFJs tend to be very warm, sensitive, and perceptive. These are great traits, but they can also cause difficulties for them and those around them. People with this personality type are likely to find it quite difficult to cope with situations that involve criticism or conflict.

ESFJs are likely to take their commitments extremely seriously, putting security and stability above everything else, while not forgetting little but important details in their lives. This personality trait makes them very stable and loyal partners. ESFJs prefer structure over spontaneity, and they value clarity, predictability, and stability in all areas of their lives.

Due to the above personality traits, ESFJ women are usually seen as extraordinarily feminine and are frequently depicted as role models in real life as well as movies or TV shows. ESFJ men generally express and use these traits in a different way.

ESFJ relationships and dating

People with the ESFJ personality type value security, stability, and a sense of belonging. Naturally, romantic relationships are very important to them, especially if they culminate in marriage and family. ESFJs take all relationship stages very seriously. Even if they have just started dating someone, they will do their best to understand and support the other person.

Support and mutual respect are very important factors in ESFJ relationships. ESFJs strongly dislike all forms of conflict and criticism, especially if critical comments are coming from someone close to them—they are likely to take them very personally. People with this personality type need to know that they are loved and appreciated, and this can greatly influence their mood and self-esteem.

While ESFJs should definitely try to grow a thicker skin when it comes to rational and justified criticism, partners of ESFJ personalities also need to make sure that they offer enough support and attention. ESFJs are naturally very warm and loyal, but they really want to be trusted and valued by people who mean a lot to them. This can keep them going in the face of immense difficulties; ESFJs can be surprisingly tough, but they need to know that their partner will be there to support them every step of the way. There are few things more hurtful and depressing to an ESFJ than a sudden realization that their partner does not really respect or care about their dreams or opinions.

That being said, less mature ESFJs may feel the need to be appreciated, but not have enough inner strength or wisdom to actually attract the attention they seek. In such relationships, the ESFJ personality may become very needy and seek their partner’s approval at all costs, even if it means going against their own principles and values. ESFJs should be careful not to fall into this trap, especially if they are still in the dating phase. Neediness is not only unattractive, but it may also lead to an abusive relationship, which will further damage the ESFJ’s self-esteem.

ESFJ personalities are great at dealing with everyday matters, including money management. They will happily take such responsibilities upon themselves and work hard to make sure that everything is fine with this aspect of their relationship. On the other hand, ESFJs tend to be very traditional, so they will probably stick to socially expected gender roles in the relationship. Anyone dating an ESFJ should also be aware of this; people with this personality type are likely to obey the perceived “dating rules,” which may change depending on what environment they are in.

Generally speaking, social status is very important to ESFJs, and they will definitely care how their relationship is seen by their social circle, relatives, etc. It is crucial that the ESFJ recognizes this trait and puts it in perspective; otherwise, both the selection of their dating partners and the ESFJ’s behavior in romantic relationships may be influenced more by other people’s opinions than by their own values. ESFJs tend to be very social individuals, and they enjoy having a big circle of friends, but that need for social validation should not overshadow their own dreams.

From the sexual perspective, ESFJ personalities tend to be very affectionate and sensual, seeing intimacy as a fantastic way to make their partner happy. ESFJs are very much in touch with the physical world, and they are also highly emotional—this makes them great sexual partners. It is likely that the ESFJ will prefer predictability and traditional roles while they are still dating or if their partner is fully satisfied with such a situation. However, they will also be open to experimenting and trying new things if the other person is willing to reciprocate.

Preferred partners: ISFP and ISTP types, as their Introversion (I) and Prospecting (P) traits counterbalance ESFJs’ Extraversion (E) and Judging (J) traits. ESFJs should remember that these types are Introverted (I) – it may take more than a couple of dates to draw their true personality out.

ESFJ strengths and weaknesses

ESFJ strengths

·         Always look for win-win situations. ESFJ personalities value harmony and do their best to avoid conflict wherever possible. They are natural team players, trying to get along with everyone.

·         Very loyal. ESFJs value relationships and stability very highly and try hard not to disturb the status quo unless absolutely necessary. This makes them very loyal and trustworthy employees and partners.

·         Sensitive and warm. ESFJ personalities seek harmony and care deeply about other people’s feelings, being careful not to offend or hurt anybody.

·         Know how to connect to people. ESFJs are social and friendly individuals who have no difficulties with small talk or following other social rituals. People with this personality type also tend to have a strong need to belong, e.g., by playing an active role in the local community.

·         Take their duties very seriously. ESFJ personalities tend to be responsible and reliable, paying a lot of attention to their duties and responsibilities. They can be very hard workers, often putting their duties above their own needs.

·         Good with practical matters. People with the ESFJ personality type have excellent practical skills and do not mind dealing with routine, daily tasks. They will always make sure that people close to them are cared for.

ESFJ weaknesses

·         Often obsessed with their social status. ESFJs tend to have a very strong need to be seen as responsible, respected and successful individuals—they will do everything they can to increase their social status and influence.

·         May be inflexible. ESFJs place a lot of importance on traditions and may often worry too much about what other people see as acceptable. Consequently, they are likely to be very careful, or even critical, when it comes to unconventional methods or non mainstream views.

·         Unwilling to improvise. People with the ESFJ personality type dislike venturing outside their comfort zone and taking bold steps, usually out of fear of being (or appearing) different.

·         Very vulnerable to criticism. ESFJs strongly dislike conflicts and criticism. They can get very defensive and hurt if someone (especially a person close to them) criticizes their habits, ideas, or favorite traditions.

·         Often too selfless. ESFJ personalities may care and worry so much about others that their attention will become overwhelming and ultimately unwelcome. This is also likely to lead to the neglect of their own needs.

·         May be needy. ESFJs need to know that they are liked and their efforts are valued. Consequently, people with this personality type may often fish for compliments or try to attract other people’s attention.

Nice to Know:

Type groups:

Analysts (INTJs, INTPs, ENTJs and ENTPs):

Intuitive and Thinking types - they are fiercely independent, open-minded and imaginative, shining in intellectual debates and scientific or technological fields.

Diplomats (INFJs, INFPs, ENFJs and ENFPs):

Intuitive and Feeling types - they are cooperative, empathic and imaginative, focusing on empathy, morality and cooperation.

Sentinels (ISTJs, ISFJs, ESTJs and ESFJs):

Observant and Judging types - they are highly practical, meticulous and traditional, embracing and creating order, security and stability wherever they go.

Explorers (ISTPs, ISFPs, ESTPs and ESFPs):

Observant and Prospecting types - they are spontaneous, practical and inventive, able to quickly think on their feet and make best use of their surroundings.

Personality traits explained:

Mind:

Introverted (I) – prefer solitary activities, think before speaking, get exhausted by social interaction.

Extraverted (E) – prefer group activities, think while speaking, get energized by social interaction.

Energy:

Intuitive (N) – imaginative, rely on their intuition, absorbed in ideas, focus on what might happen.

Observant (S) – down-to-earth, rely on their senses, absorbed in practical matters, focus on what has happened.

Nature:

Thinking (T) - tough, follow their minds, focus on objectivity and rationality.

Feeling (F) – sensitive, follow their hearts, focus on harmony and cooperation.

Tactics:

Judging (J) – decisive, prefer clear rules and guidelines, see deadlines as sacred, seek closure.

Prospecting (P) – very good at improvising, prefer keeping their options open, relaxed about their work, seek freedom.

Identity:

(no effect on the type name)

Assertive – emotionally stable, calm, relaxed, refuse to worry too much.

Turbulent – self-conscious, care about their image, success-driven, perfectionists.